Skydiving Video

Finally got my VIDEO up thanks to my file-converting Dad. Although the folks at "The Ranch" in NY will probably never receive THIS acclaim, I think they did a magnificent job with video execution. My favorite part comes just around the 3:00 minute mark. Fear personified.

For all those who haven't been, I highly recommend it. And if you go make sure you get a video (or at least a couple photos) so that your instructor isn't the only privileged one to see what your face does during the plunge.

SWINE FLU (and its implications for laughter)

Hey Everyone. Remember last year and the reports of the swine flu pandemic running rampant through our streets? Do you recall the fear and hysteria caused by the over coverage? I do. Masked men and women became commonplace. I wish I had the foresight to snap photos of all those veiled wanderers. Would have made a helluva collage. Anyway, at the time, I found the media response laughable (the masks are still funny). That was until about 10 days ago when Swiney found his way into my immune system - or lack thereof.

The swine flu, renamed formally to H1N1, and therefore hysterically nicknamed the "Hiny" flu, found itself getting the last laugh with me. Midway through last week I started getting an epic body ache. A fever followed close behind, and a headache that no allotment of Tylenol could cure. I was throwing down pain relievers and fever reducers by the handful, but the "Hiny Parade" didn't seem to be bothered. In fact I think with each successive pill swallowing I could hear 1000 "Hiny" cells laughing sinisterly at my futile effort. Those bastards. So long-story short, the "Hinies" tucked me in bed and pretty much took over for two days straight.

After allowing it to run its brutish course, and slowly returning to the healthy youthful man of the previous week, I promised that I wouldn't make any more fun of the Swine Flu. But I spoke too soon, my friends! The day after I began feeling better, some symptoms returned. I again had a fever, developed a painful chest ache/cough, and that sledge-hammer headache came back to smack me around again. I became worried after doing some quick internet research that Swine may have retaken the reins. I chose medical expertise.

The good news was that the Tiny Hiny Brigade was not back to stay. The bad - before they exited a few of the really lazy ones decided to take a nap in my right lung, and by some nefarious medical miracle transformed into pneumonia! Again, those bastards!

10 days after the ordeal began, I am thankfully feeling quite back to my normal self. Swine flu has taught me a few valuable lessons. First of all, be thankful for your health. After being bed-ridden for a few days and thinking how crappy it was, I realized some people struggle with illness and disease their entire lives and hence I ought not take my well-being for granted. Second, remember the wise man who explained karma. Heed his warning. Third - against that same wise man's wishes, take note of such phrases: "laughter heals the soul," and "Mirth is God's medicine. Everybody ought to bathe in it [Henry Ward Beecher]." Begin that collage with a fully-masked Travis in the middle. And let the Hinies know that behind the mask I am smiling. I am immune to you now, and with my immunity comes reinvigorated derision, and mockery. Kiss my ass, Hiny! Haha!

Technology - It's Well Important

In this digital age, I think most of us have become accustomed to rapidly changing technology. Yesterday's computers are geezers; last year's are dinosaurs. And how about cell phones. You couldn't always fit 'em into your pocket hot shot. ->
But in the midst of the ever-evolving electronic devices that have come to dominate our lives, we sometimes forget about age old inventions that have truly aided the human cause. Here is a list of a few very important inventions that have somehow gone sins acclaim. You deserve better, inventors, but this is all I can do.

1. Skip-It. Anyone born in the 80s fell in love with this fad. Don't lie to yourself, you skipped it.... and you loved it!

2. Cheeze-Whiz. Cheese in a can? And you can spray it like silly string at your friends? What's not to love?

3. The septic system. The fewer pieces of sh. I have to deal with the happier I am. Which leads me to the next invention (which I think is worth a picture)...


4. The on-the-go head-mounted tissue and TP combo. Their isn't much that is as embarrassing as having a stray booger clinging to the tip of your nose. And when you see people it's always a little awkward to inform them. But now it'll be easy and they won't even need to flick - drape upon them a divine tissue from above. And for it's alternate purpose, when you drop off the browns at the superbowl and you're without towels for your players... you lose every time. Keep that winning going, minus the streaks.

Regardless of how you feel about technology, I think we can all agree it's well-important!

Sunday Evening Chat - Memory

Memory is the product of all experiences in life. It grows with each passing moment; it is a collective and unabridged volume of every detail from recalling how to properly wipe your ass (and thus avoid skidmarks) to reminiscing over your first passionate kiss. It is the mysterious mechanism that is vital to every mental process that we undertake.

I say that memory is mysterious because each person's is as unique as their daily lives and thoughts. All of us have different thresholds for memory. Perhaps your first memory recall is from age 2, while I can only remember back to when I was 5. Maybe the scent of fresh-cut grass makes you think of the first time you went golfing with your Dad while it allows me to conjure the image of my neighbor's look of disgust after I got a little lazy with the lawnmower around the flower bed. Sorry bout that. But the point is, memories are as varied as the people of entrap them.

And THAT, I believe, is the reason shared memory is so important. When two people are able to recall the same circumstance based on the same stimulus, they forge a bond that they'll always share. And if they are able to communicate and realize they share this bond, that same stimulus will then serve as a reminder of not only the original memory, but the person that you share the memory with (if the two are indeed exclusive). I attribute much of the importance of family and old friends to the extent of shared memory between and amongst them.

And because I had so much fun reading my sister's early memories, I'm going to share just a few of mine:

I remember Merry-Go-Rounds! Particularly the one at the park near Aunt Jennifer's house. I remember feeling the exhilaration of knowing that if I let go I'd land in an injured heap in the dirt, but it was sometimes worth it just to experience temporary flight.

I remember getting a pea stuck in my nose at the dinner table. I don't remember why I was snorting peas, but wish I did. I do remember that after numerous failed attempts to snot-rocket it out, Mom had to bust out the tweezers and perform some in-the-home surgery.

I remember taking walks with Dad and Uncle Richard at Great Falls and how expansive and never-ending the trails seemed. I loved when we found newts and tried to catch them.

I remember when we took a trip to Wales and Grandpa Jonny was driving a rental. As the roads narrowed and the unforgiving stone walls got closer and closer he became more and more nervous. Inevitably Gramps scraped the rental along the wall setting in motion fiery debate between Gram and Gramps, and a giggle festival in the backseat. I think that rental was a black Mercedes...

I remember going sledding, even when we lived in the townhouse. I remember jumping on a humongous black inner tube with most of the kids in the neighborhood and sledding down the hill behind our house, and thinking to myself their would be no way to top this fun.

I remember the basket of decorative apples that Grandma Lauchman had in her foyer and taste-testing them to see if they were real. Though they weren't, I discovered that biting into them left teeth-marks, and I found that to be great! So I think I went ahead with my sister and tasted them all.

Like anyone, I could go on for days like this, but I think I ought to stop in fear that the next time someone thinks about the Lauchsmiths they'll remember it to be the blog campaigning against brevity. Goodnight.

Sunday Evening Chat - Teaching

Living and growing up in or around DC, the capital of what is still the most powerful and influential nation in the world, certainly has its perks. We're just a stone's throw away from some of the most beautiful monuments in the world, a series of museums hosting world class exhibits for the price of "free-99" (thank you Smithsonian), and the literal heart of our nation's government. But for all things ying, their must be yang. DC has exceptionally and consistently high crime and poverty rates. We've allowed a new brand of cynicism to creep into our politics. The juxtaposition between extreme affluence and bottom-of-the-barrel poverty is seen on display daily. And perhaps what's worst of all, the public school systems are failing.

Politicians in Washington have been doing plenty of talking in the last few years. When things are really tanking, everyone's got a solution. Amidst all of the bailout arguments, the health care reform debates, squabbling over our position in the Middle East, it seems that we may have lost focus on arguably our most valuable asset: the future leaders of this country.

Public school failure anywhere in this country is unacceptable; public schools failing in our nation's capitol, though, is abhorrent. How can we say that America has regained its position as a respected world leader when under the noses of the men and women who run our country our school system is crumbling? However, before continuing on the mindless rant it seems I'm headed toward, let me first pose a question: what does it mean for a public school to fail? How do we quantify failure in public schools? The most obvious answer, which is yet another talking point on the Hill, is standardized testing. If a predetermined percentage of students "fail" the standardized test, my understanding is that the "failing" school "fails" to receive the funding necessary for improving their deficiencies, and this begins a violent shit-storm of "failing" that eventually spirals out of control. This I don't blame on the students. I blame the state, and those incapable of realizing that this system can not and will not EVER work.

Why not? Glad you asked. First of all, standardizing (for all I know) means that their is a city-wide pass/fail rate for public schools. If you fall below the bar, you don't receive full funding. Well we know that like most cities, different demographics tend to be concentrated in different areas. For those of us with intimate knowledge of DC, we could hardly expect public schools in Anacostia or the neighborhood of Trinidad in S.E. to stack up with public schools, say, in Georgetown. This creates a multitude of problems - the schools that most likely need the most funding to aid a demographic of students that are behind the curve from the outset of their student lives don't get their funding. The schools situated in more "well-off" areas continue to widen the gap because year after year they score higher and receive the publicly allotted funds. Furthermore, understanding the stakes of these tests, public school teachers are driven by administrators to do all that they can to prepare their students to do well. They realize that funding and perhaps their jobs depend on their student's outcome. This seems absolutely counterproductive to learning and traditional classroom education. Placing so much emphasis on one test is unfair to both teachers and students.

In fear that your vision is rapidly blurring, I will try to conclude with all the brevity I can muster.

1. If the students must take standardized tests, so must the teachers. On a yearly basis. If you fail, you face pay decrease, remedial subject teaching, or termination. I don't mean to sound cold-hearted, but clearly faulty teachers play a role in public school failure. If we are going to hold our students to a standard, we must hold those teaching our students to a standard. Aren't they supposed to be professionals?

2. Let's try to rethink budgeting. I can appreciate all of the arguments for standardized testing. But to place at risk the fiscal security of those schools who consistently underperform seems unfair, and backwards. If it is a teacher failure, number one should take care of it. If it is a demographic failure (and therefore a parent failure), well then the schools will probably need extra funding to get some brilliant staff to meet the challenge of bringing less-fortunate students up to speed with their peers.

3. I haven't done enough research to diagnose the problem completely, but the above is what I understand to be the case. Let's stop disgracing our nation and start taking our youth seriously. Solving the blunders of global warming and our troubled economy today won't mean anything tomorrow if we find our nation laden with a generation of ignorance. Stay in school. And don't do* drugs.

* (too many)

Time Flies...

...when you're having fun!! Sometimes I can't believe how fast we grow up. I think about my life and what I have accomplished, and I am amazed at the opportunities and successes that have come my way. I am also extremely proud of my younger brothers and sister for the accomplishments that they have excelled at. Being further away from home really allows you to 'watch' people grow. Seeing them everyday you don't notice the differences as much.

You ask what this has to do with anything? Well, family is a huge part of my life, and sometimes when I reminisce, I wonder what other people remember from the past. I like to think of some of my favorite pastimes, and it's crazy how often they come about in my life today:

-I remember tacos at Dad's on the weekends. They were / (are) always so good, and to this day every time I make homemade tacos I get a little taste of the weekend with Dad.

-I remember the endless games that could be played at Grandma's in North Carolina. Who cares how old we were hide and seek never got old!

-I remember rolling in puddles in the rain when we lived at the townhouse in Silver Spring. (Now that I'm a bit older, I wonder what the neighbors thought when they saw me playing outside in the rain! I didn't care, I enjoyed it! But I'm sure they must've thought I may have had a few screws loose, at least once or twice!) I still love the rain today, and when the temperature is just right, I do still 'play' (in the form of running) in the rain.

-I remember having friends of all different colors, and never thinking twice about it. I think that is one thing that I enjoy the most about my life today - it is very colorful.

-I remember going to Grandma Judy's and Grandpa Jon's and throwing things off their balcony. How is such a simple thing so much fun?! (And even today, everytime I see someone sitting on the couch as I look over an indoor balcony, I have quite an urge to throw a pillow over the edge. I literally have to hold myself back sometimes and think, yeah, Brian's grandma would probably not appreciate getting walloped by a pillow that I throw at her. I do have to admit, the last time I actually did this was at Dad's place in San Antonio. Remember that T? That was a good one. I really got you!!)

-I remember my brother how he used to be so silly and crazy! It made me laugh sometimes, and drove me up the wall other times. Now, I just can't wait to see him, always.

-Then I remember how silly and crazy I used to be. I'm sure I made my parents laugh sometimes, and drove them up the wall others.

-I remember when the neighborhood in the back of Grandma's house in NC was built, and I remember it was the first time that I really thought of the reason why they had to build on such pretty land. Today, I am a bit of a sucker for a nice piece of property.

-I remember the ice cream truck, and how you could literally buy things for .50 cents, sometimes even less. Twenty years later, .50 cents would probably get you the wrapper of the ice cream that the kid next to you just finished...

-Saturday morning cartoons were always a fav. I always think that when I have kids I want to show them the cartoons that I watched, but then I think that is nearly impossible so they'll have to grow up in their own day and age.

I know I'm really not that old, but I do think about the past and have plenty of other memories. I think being further away from everyone really makes me homesick sometimes, but when I think about how many wonderful people we have in our family, I think of how lucky we are. I suppose life's been quite a barrel of fun, because my has time flown by...

I miss you, T, and really can't wait to hang! (And would love to hear some things you remember!)

Sunday Evening Chat, Part I

I've decided that I'd like to take a few moments each Sunday evening (yes, even in the midst of the NFL season) to discuss something that I've been thinking about. I'll set no boundaries for these soliloquies in hopes that candid thought finds its way onto digital paper.

I've been thinking... A couple of weekends ago I was out to eat for a friends birthday at a family-style Italian joint. It was a crowded Saturday evening - restaurant packed to capacity - staff hustling through the ordered chaos that is our food industry. Everyone was in high spirits celebrating our time off and basking in the moment of each successive course. But this reveling was not destined to last this evening.

From across the cavernous dining room I heard the crash of glass breaking. No big deal, somebody's had a few too many glasses of red and their motor skills aren't obeying mental commands. Or so I thought. By the time I zoned in on the source of the interruption I could see that a large man was flipping a two-person table end over end. Because of our seating arrangement I did not immediately see with whom he was dining or if he was amongst any company at all. But in the moment he violently turned his back on the havoc he'd created, I saw a plate navigating its way through the air in a spiraling trajectory headed for the man's back. Company confirmed. In a huff the man performed another 180 and stormed back to the table. With a clenched fist and his body weight he stepped into a hay-maker aimed at the plate-tosser, and again turned to go. Collective whispering and gasping abounded in the crowded restaurant.

Only as the man rounded the corner to exit the main dining area did most patrons realize that this brute had punched a woman in the face. She remained seated in her booth, bloodied and in tears, crying perhaps not because of the pain but for the humiliation of a couple-hundred eyes as witnesses of her victimization.

In shock and disgust I watched and pondered scenarios that could have driven a couple to this violence. I felt an overwhelming yearning follow this man out of the restaurant to stomp his kidneys until he was only able to piss red, in hopes that the color would forever remind him of his propensity for punching women and serve as a deterrent to future violence.

It is my deep sentiment that society in general has come to lack respect for simple manners and age-old rules. I realize that she threw a plate at you... but you don't punch a woman in the face. And when the president is speaking you don't interrupt him, damn it! I wonder if stifling brutality as a means of justice and the softening of the eye for an eye idea is costing America her dignity. I feel ashamed when I see adults acting this way, with such deliberate disregard for decency, and wonder what propelled us to this madness. I also wonder how it can be fixed. The best solution that I could rapidly come up with was on a case-by-case basis, beginning with the lady-basher. I hope that she has a large family brimming with oversize men that show up at your doorstep when you least expect it - maybe when you're eating a bowl of icecream in your boxer shorts on a Sunday evening such as this one - and truly wreck your day.

** I add apologies for the drab entry and promise that I'll return to my happy-go-lucky self next Sunday. Remember to mind your manners, folks; their is no easier way to make the world a better place.

Costa Rica!

(Mr. Pinto and Yours Truly)

Shanel and I decided to take a vacation. Best move ever. Not only were we blown away by the natural beauty of this land, the hotel we stayed in, 'Gaia,' was top-notch. I'd like to extend a quick thank you to Mr. Pinto for his unparalleled expertise in all-things travel, and his kindness in nudging us toward this paradise.

Here is a link to some select photos we've put together from the trip. Nelly and I decided to take daily notes during our journey and are still deciding on whether we ought to publish publicly or take our manuscript to a professional and sell it for MILLIONS. Not sure yet, but I tell ya, I really could use another vacation.

Learn Something New

They say you learn something new everyday.

What did I learn today?

Computer keyboards are not waterproof...

A Few Miles Closer to God...

As Buzz Lightyear simply put it, "That's not flying; that's falling - with style!"

I know I've promised video, and I am working on it. The Skydiving Videographers produce in VOB format and it's just a pain in the ass to tweak. I will continue trying, and if anybody has a solution, please enlighten!

Some of the Reasons I Love Sports

Have you ever heard somebody say, "It's just a game?" Of course you have. You've probably said it yourself - I concede I've uttered this phrase countless times. But when I begin thinking about what life would be without sports (for both myself and millions of others who share this common love), I find that it is always so much more. And I don't mean simply spectating, I'm talking about old-fashioned participation; being involved in competition that's not jaded by money or media, or any such distractions - just your pure neighborhood skin-your-knee sports.

For me sports was, and continues to be an outlet for pent up energy and stress. I remember my Mother telling me that as a child I had seemingly unlimited stores of energy. Such energy that a doctor tried to prescribe some sort of Ritalin-like medicine to essentially tell my brain to "chillax." Well the more I think about this Doctor and the diagnosis I was given the more I wish I could kick him squarely in the balls. I'd like to ask him a few questions based on everyday observations I've seen from interaction with children:

1) Doc, do you have any idea why childhood obesity is on the rise? Is it perhaps because incompetent parents and teachers would rather feed kids a magic pill to relax them than to urge them to enjoy the simple pleasures that may be found in the fresh air? Do the even more incompetent doctors who are responsible for countless misdiagnoses suffer any consequence, or do they see the children as a long-term investment? You must know they'll be back in a few years for a stronger dose and that the cycle is sure to continue right on into adulthood. Good money?

2) What sort of message are we sending our youth when at the ages of 5 and 6 we are already medicating them and instilling within that pills will always be there to fix their problems? Like when you get older and you have trouble sleeping. Don't attempt to exercise, a better diet, or your go-to method of stress relief. Take this pill. Drop another dime into the multi-billion black hole that is America's prescription drug industry.

3) Did you realize that c. 20 years after our only encounter you'd have the power to side-track me from the original intent of this evening's posting?

Well Doc, that's enough questions. You're beginning to distract me.

Instead of writing about each facet of sports that I believe is valuable, I think I'll make a list to save both you and I some time. We both saw how the above became a fictional grilling session of a doctor...

1. Healthy stress release (see above)
2. Sense of camaraderie. This is extremely important in a child's life and may be found in youth leagues across the nation. Sports is one of the BEST ways to make friends.
3. The obvious benefits of continual exercise.
4. Development of respect for elders. Coaches often (I hear, I don't yet know from experience) are the only positive male figures in the lives of some kids. What better way to have a positive influence on a child than by tapping an outlet that is proven to garner attention in his/her life?
5. Having a winner and a loser. Too often as kids we are made to believe that we are all destined for greatness, that we'll never lose, that we CAN'T lose. In sports nobody escapes a loss of some type (even if it's a lack of meeting a personal goal) and so we learn to cope with these feelings and improve. It's good to know that failure is inevitable in life; it is how we react to such failure that comes to define us.
6. Girls love athletic prowess. Guys love it too, just not quite in the same way... unless we are talking about beach volleyball.

Believe me, the list goes on, but this is a solid start. As our citizens as a nation "tighten their belts" and curb their spending, I sincerely hope that somewhere in the bargain section they rediscover sports as the most inexpensive form of therapy available. Word of warning: if you are successful in finding sports you may have some prescription medications to cancel.


(Bonding after Sports)

Perseid

No, we have not decided on a name for our first born. We did, however, view part of the Perseid Meteor Shower '09 last night and it was incredible! We drove away from the city and into Ohio's most notable corn field and parked along the side of a road where there wasn't much light pollution. As we laid on the back of the car, and looked to the sky, we saw at least 10 'shooting stars' between us, and we were only there for 45 minutes or so. It is said that during the peak of the meteor shower, if you're in the right place at the right time, you can see nearly 80 meteors per hour! The thought of that is unbelievable, and to witness I'm sure would cause one to be at a loss of words.

By far, stargazing is one thing that I will never get sick of. Looking into the night sky on a clear night provides such a breathtaking view. It is always so beautiful - with the crickets and summer bug noises, and smell of fresh air - you really can't get much better than that.

Crop Dusting

Do you know what crop dusting is? Have you ever crop dusted? You may or may not know this but I can almost assure you that you have. Your Dictionary dot com defines crop dusting as the process of spraying growing crops from an airplane, but that's not all. Thanks to my future brother-in-law, I have learned a new definition of crop dusting. Fortunately, I may add, it wasn't by example that I learned this new definition, but by explanation. That new definition can be found here at urban dictionary dot com. (I might add that urban dictionary one of the better sites out there. You can learn what any word or phrase means. Even the ones that you thought you knew...By the way, the site is not for those with weak stomachs, those that take offense to common criticism or prejudices, or those under 18. If you stop by, check out the word of the day it's usually pretty entertaining!) The urban dictionary, what would we do with out you these days?

Urban Dictionary Honorable Mentions:

-Bats in the cave - (as in definition # 1, NOT 2-5) - a personal fav...
-Whip - as in 'new whip'
-Chompers
-Finger Licking
-Sike

Peace out.

Comedy in the...Courtroom?

Countless studies have been done about the effect laughing has on our well-being. I've heard that if taken part in frequently, it can: lengthen the span of one's life, decrease physical pain, alleviate stress, and even harnessed as an effective therapy. Thus, we should strive to laugh as often and as whole-heartedly as possible.

With this in mind I pose a question: when stifling laughter due to necessity, do these wonderful byproducts of laughter disappear? Or worse, do they backfire and cause anguish? There is no way I can recall the number of times I've wanted to laugh at an entirely inappropriate time, and have been forced to swallow my ha's in fear of being labeled disrespectful or immature. One of those times happened today...

For the last couple of days I have been serving my first term as a juror, excorcising my civic responsibility as we patriots tend to do. Whilst in this capacity I found myself in quite an interesting setting. There I sat in the juror's box, my five juror colleagues to my left. We were situated in such a way as to see the entire courtroom and all of its players, so invariably said players could also observe us. Now this case had some very special circumstances. It involved a car accident in which an El Salvadorian woman's car was struck. But their is a kicker: she spoke less English than a newborn Afghan. To rectify this issue, the court and the judge brought in an interpreter who was equipped with a microphone. The Plaintiff (El Salvadorian) was equipped with a headset - and thus through the miracle of translation she could comprehend the entire proceeding. Quite nice. When it came time for her testimony, which she gave entirely in Spanish and the interpreter then translated for us, we soon noticed that she either had some communication issues or was incredibly nervous (or both). She would often stutter, sputter quick utterances, and change the inflection of her voice for emphasis. What was most excellent for those bearing witness was the precise way in which the translator HAD TO translate. For the record, he was forced to mimick her spoken word exactly. So imagine if you can a two-hundred pound man saying, "yes, um, there was pain all over the right side of my body. Oh yes, my... my lady parts were pulsating!" I think it is safe to conclude in this circumstance that she went pulsating as throbbing, like a bad headache. But he said it, just the way she did. Gradually growing to a crecendo unitl the phrase "lady parts were pulsating" was almost at a yell.

And this was just one occasion of the missteps in translation... their were many. Their were also those moments just after such things were said, where you'd catch the faint glimmer in the eye of a fellow juror that exposed them as feeling just the way you were, and becoming more and more unhealthy by stifling waves of laughter.

All jokes aside, I thought that being a juror was an incredible experience. It was fascinating to hear the same evidence spun by three different attorneys to fit the needs of their respective clients. And the verdict deliberation, which lasted at least two entire hours, was a murky haze of frustration, excitement, disagreement, and accord; but through it all we understood that the outcome of our decision would have serious affects on the lives of the parties, and so we did not take our task lightly. After exorcising this right I feel greater respect for our justice system as a whole and the amazing minds responsible for its creation.

Finally I would like to conclude this post with an obituary... Beloved Ritter Sport Cocos chocolate bar. You have passed away far too soon. Why the bigwigs at Ritter decided to pull the plug so early in the life of such a fantastic treat will never be fully comprehended. I will miss you terribly with my only consolation being each hour spent here on Earth is another hour I get closer to again indulging on your deliciousness. Until then, RIP.

Proud to be a...

Unless you've been living under a rock most of your life, you've probably noticed that locks are everywhere. They are found on doors, cabinets, storage devices, computers, windows, cell phones, diaries, bicycles, cars, and so much more. They are the protector and defender of all things that you (as in each of us has our own opinions of 'greatness') deem 'great' and worthy of not being stolen...or viewed for that matter.

Back in the olden days, locksmiths were engineers and masters of their trade. They knew the insides and outs of locks and keys and even knew how to pick them, which begs the question: what's the point of a lock if you know that someone out there (probably your neighbor since 'towns' weren't that big back then...) knows how to pick it? And the answer: security. Locks make people feel safe and secure even if someone knows how to pick them. They are the modern day silent superheros of all of our lives.

And by deductive reasoning that makes us, Lauchsmiths, superheros. I can honestly say that I am proud to be a Lauchsmith.

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

So the games have begun! A welcome to you, Travis, my bro and fellow scallywag, and a many thanks for your enthusiastic effort and time spent setting this lovely page up! (I'm sure the mundane nights at Hooters were key players in the thought behind the design as well!) I would also like to add a quick welcome to all the other followers/readers out there. I hope you thoroughly enjoy the nonsense we will probably babble on about. (See toilet* note in previous blog - though I do have to admit that is quite disgusting.)

Nevertheless, I am also excited to see what form this page develops into. Amy is in Cbus (that's Columbus for you non-Ohioans) this weekend and had we not had a prior kayaking engagement I would probably carry on but we've got to run hit the river (or 'reever' as many billies* like to refer to it as.) Thanks for the hearty congrats on the engagement and pics from Jamaica will surely be soon to follow...mon. We are both extremely excited!

*If you've not noticed by now, or don't know me very well, I tend to abbreviate things, all things. My billies are the country folk out there that help keep me on my toes by emphasizing or removing letters from common English terms that us city folk speak clearly. I thank you for making my life that much more enjoyable and helping me perfect my billie-talk. (No offense to the William's, Bill's, or Will's out there that this no doubtably affects.)

The Games Begin

A most jovial welcome to all! Family, friends, enemies, daily massacrator of my favorite at work toilet *(see below for further detail), unlucky web-surfers... eh, who am I kidding? It's just you and I here E. But by golly this space shall be our sanctuary where naught but uncandid word be spoken! Let the digital ink flow freely.

I'd like to take this opportunity to first congratulate my cohort (and sister) in her first [and hopefully last :) ] engagement! I'm delighted in your happiness and wish the both of you many-a-happy day spent together.

Another congratulations is due for my cousin, engaged just a a few days prior to sister.

Oh, and thank you both for adding 1000 PSI each to my currently UN-ENGAGED relationship status.

Speaking of that un-engaged relationship, and to the chagrin of the lady, I'll be heading to my local Hooters for a basketball team meeting tonite. Believe it or not, the decision was mostly contingent upon their excellent pitcher and wing specials. Don't believe it?
http://dc.metromix.com/restaurants/americanAs
Chew on that smart guy. In lieu of our recent team-skid we're seeking a refuge devoid of distraction to discuss strategy -- and we all know Hooters is devoid of distraction. No-brainer.

* And now a short rant on bathroom massacrator(ists): Look, we work in a law firm. I am not THE youngest person here, but I'm damn near close to it. That means that the odds of you being under 25 years old are extremely slight. By using some deductive reasoning I will go ahead and say that you've been practicing using the urinal/toilet for at least 25 years. Which begs the question, what ape is responsible for teaching you to urinate? Not only do you entirely miss the target, but you piss all over the floor. Now when I exit the bathroom I'm tracking your urine around the office and into my home. Unless you were raised by nuns, have a mental disability, or suffer from unstable penis syndrome (all of which I highly doubt due to the hilarity I'd already be enjoying on your behalf), you have NO EXCUSES. Piss in the toilet, not on it. And for god sake just remember, "leaves of three, let them be," "logs of brown, flush them down." Get your shit together. Then get rid of it.

To conclude this first post, I will say that I'm not sure of the form this beast is going to take, but I'm excited to witness its evolution. Stay tuned, plenty more to come (and I don't want to make false promises, but I can almost guarantee Erin will have some beautiful photos and stories from her Jamaica trip). It's been a pleasure, and the pleasure's all mine.