Hey Everyone. Remember last year and the reports of the swine flu pandemic running rampant through our streets? Do you recall the fear and hysteria caused by the over coverage? I do. Masked men and women became commonplace. I wish I had the foresight to snap photos of all those veiled wanderers. Would have made a helluva collage. Anyway, at the time, I found the media response laughable (the masks are still funny). That was until about 10 days ago when Swiney found his way into my immune system - or lack thereof.
The swine flu, renamed formally to H1N1, and therefore hysterically nicknamed the "Hiny" flu, found itself getting the last laugh with me. Midway through last week I started getting an epic body ache. A fever followed close behind, and a headache that no allotment of Tylenol could cure. I was throwing down pain relievers and fever reducers by the handful, but the "Hiny Parade" didn't seem to be bothered. In fact I think with each successive pill swallowing I could hear 1000 "Hiny" cells laughing sinisterly at my futile effort. Those bastards. So long-story short, the "Hinies" tucked me in bed and pretty much took over for two days straight.
After allowing it to run its brutish course, and slowly returning to the healthy youthful man of the previous week, I promised that I wouldn't make any more fun of the Swine Flu. But I spoke too soon, my friends! The day after I began feeling better, some symptoms returned. I again had a fever, developed a painful chest ache/cough, and that sledge-hammer headache came back to smack me around again. I became worried after doing some quick internet research that Swine may have retaken the reins. I chose medical expertise.
The good news was that the Tiny Hiny Brigade was not back to stay. The bad - before they exited a few of the really lazy ones decided to take a nap in my right lung, and by some nefarious medical miracle transformed into pneumonia! Again, those bastards!
10 days after the ordeal began, I am thankfully feeling quite back to my normal self. Swine flu has taught me a few valuable lessons. First of all, be thankful for your health. After being bed-ridden for a few days and thinking how crappy it was, I realized some people struggle with illness and disease their entire lives and hence I ought not take my well-being for granted. Second, remember the wise man who explained karma. Heed his warning. Third - against that same wise man's wishes, take note of such phrases: "laughter heals the soul," and "Mirth is God's medicine. Everybody ought to bathe in it [Henry Ward Beecher]." Begin that collage with a fully-masked Travis in the middle. And let the Hinies know that behind the mask I am smiling. I am immune to you now, and with my immunity comes reinvigorated derision, and mockery. Kiss my ass, Hiny! Haha!
