Friday, August 21, 2009

Learn Something New

They say you learn something new everyday.

What did I learn today?

Computer keyboards are not waterproof...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A Few Miles Closer to God...

As Buzz Lightyear simply put it, "That's not flying; that's falling - with style!"

I know I've promised video, and I am working on it. The Skydiving Videographers produce in VOB format and it's just a pain in the ass to tweak. I will continue trying, and if anybody has a solution, please enlighten!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Some of the Reasons I Love Sports

Have you ever heard somebody say, "It's just a game?" Of course you have. You've probably said it yourself - I concede I've uttered this phrase countless times. But when I begin thinking about what life would be without sports (for both myself and millions of others who share this common love), I find that it is always so much more. And I don't mean simply spectating, I'm talking about old-fashioned participation; being involved in competition that's not jaded by money or media, or any such distractions - just your pure neighborhood skin-your-knee sports.

For me sports was, and continues to be an outlet for pent up energy and stress. I remember my Mother telling me that as a child I had seemingly unlimited stores of energy. Such energy that a doctor tried to prescribe some sort of Ritalin-like medicine to essentially tell my brain to "chillax." Well the more I think about this Doctor and the diagnosis I was given the more I wish I could kick him squarely in the balls. I'd like to ask him a few questions based on everyday observations I've seen from interaction with children:

1) Doc, do you have any idea why childhood obesity is on the rise? Is it perhaps because incompetent parents and teachers would rather feed kids a magic pill to relax them than to urge them to enjoy the simple pleasures that may be found in the fresh air? Do the even more incompetent doctors who are responsible for countless misdiagnoses suffer any consequence, or do they see the children as a long-term investment? You must know they'll be back in a few years for a stronger dose and that the cycle is sure to continue right on into adulthood. Good money?

2) What sort of message are we sending our youth when at the ages of 5 and 6 we are already medicating them and instilling within that pills will always be there to fix their problems? Like when you get older and you have trouble sleeping. Don't attempt to exercise, a better diet, or your go-to method of stress relief. Take this pill. Drop another dime into the multi-billion black hole that is America's prescription drug industry.

3) Did you realize that c. 20 years after our only encounter you'd have the power to side-track me from the original intent of this evening's posting?

Well Doc, that's enough questions. You're beginning to distract me.

Instead of writing about each facet of sports that I believe is valuable, I think I'll make a list to save both you and I some time. We both saw how the above became a fictional grilling session of a doctor...

1. Healthy stress release (see above)
2. Sense of camaraderie. This is extremely important in a child's life and may be found in youth leagues across the nation. Sports is one of the BEST ways to make friends.
3. The obvious benefits of continual exercise.
4. Development of respect for elders. Coaches often (I hear, I don't yet know from experience) are the only positive male figures in the lives of some kids. What better way to have a positive influence on a child than by tapping an outlet that is proven to garner attention in his/her life?
5. Having a winner and a loser. Too often as kids we are made to believe that we are all destined for greatness, that we'll never lose, that we CAN'T lose. In sports nobody escapes a loss of some type (even if it's a lack of meeting a personal goal) and so we learn to cope with these feelings and improve. It's good to know that failure is inevitable in life; it is how we react to such failure that comes to define us.
6. Girls love athletic prowess. Guys love it too, just not quite in the same way... unless we are talking about beach volleyball.

Believe me, the list goes on, but this is a solid start. As our citizens as a nation "tighten their belts" and curb their spending, I sincerely hope that somewhere in the bargain section they rediscover sports as the most inexpensive form of therapy available. Word of warning: if you are successful in finding sports you may have some prescription medications to cancel.


(Bonding after Sports)

Perseid

No, we have not decided on a name for our first born. We did, however, view part of the Perseid Meteor Shower '09 last night and it was incredible! We drove away from the city and into Ohio's most notable corn field and parked along the side of a road where there wasn't much light pollution. As we laid on the back of the car, and looked to the sky, we saw at least 10 'shooting stars' between us, and we were only there for 45 minutes or so. It is said that during the peak of the meteor shower, if you're in the right place at the right time, you can see nearly 80 meteors per hour! The thought of that is unbelievable, and to witness I'm sure would cause one to be at a loss of words.

By far, stargazing is one thing that I will never get sick of. Looking into the night sky on a clear night provides such a breathtaking view. It is always so beautiful - with the crickets and summer bug noises, and smell of fresh air - you really can't get much better than that.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Crop Dusting

Do you know what crop dusting is? Have you ever crop dusted? You may or may not know this but I can almost assure you that you have. Your Dictionary dot com defines crop dusting as the process of spraying growing crops from an airplane, but that's not all. Thanks to my future brother-in-law, I have learned a new definition of crop dusting. Fortunately, I may add, it wasn't by example that I learned this new definition, but by explanation. That new definition can be found here at urban dictionary dot com. (I might add that urban dictionary one of the better sites out there. You can learn what any word or phrase means. Even the ones that you thought you knew...By the way, the site is not for those with weak stomachs, those that take offense to common criticism or prejudices, or those under 18. If you stop by, check out the word of the day it's usually pretty entertaining!) The urban dictionary, what would we do with out you these days?

Urban Dictionary Honorable Mentions:

-Bats in the cave - (as in definition # 1, NOT 2-5) - a personal fav...
-Whip - as in 'new whip'
-Chompers
-Finger Licking
-Sike

Peace out.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Comedy in the...Courtroom?

Countless studies have been done about the effect laughing has on our well-being. I've heard that if taken part in frequently, it can: lengthen the span of one's life, decrease physical pain, alleviate stress, and even harnessed as an effective therapy. Thus, we should strive to laugh as often and as whole-heartedly as possible.

With this in mind I pose a question: when stifling laughter due to necessity, do these wonderful byproducts of laughter disappear? Or worse, do they backfire and cause anguish? There is no way I can recall the number of times I've wanted to laugh at an entirely inappropriate time, and have been forced to swallow my ha's in fear of being labeled disrespectful or immature. One of those times happened today...

For the last couple of days I have been serving my first term as a juror, excorcising my civic responsibility as we patriots tend to do. Whilst in this capacity I found myself in quite an interesting setting. There I sat in the juror's box, my five juror colleagues to my left. We were situated in such a way as to see the entire courtroom and all of its players, so invariably said players could also observe us. Now this case had some very special circumstances. It involved a car accident in which an El Salvadorian woman's car was struck. But their is a kicker: she spoke less English than a newborn Afghan. To rectify this issue, the court and the judge brought in an interpreter who was equipped with a microphone. The Plaintiff (El Salvadorian) was equipped with a headset - and thus through the miracle of translation she could comprehend the entire proceeding. Quite nice. When it came time for her testimony, which she gave entirely in Spanish and the interpreter then translated for us, we soon noticed that she either had some communication issues or was incredibly nervous (or both). She would often stutter, sputter quick utterances, and change the inflection of her voice for emphasis. What was most excellent for those bearing witness was the precise way in which the translator HAD TO translate. For the record, he was forced to mimick her spoken word exactly. So imagine if you can a two-hundred pound man saying, "yes, um, there was pain all over the right side of my body. Oh yes, my... my lady parts were pulsating!" I think it is safe to conclude in this circumstance that she went pulsating as throbbing, like a bad headache. But he said it, just the way she did. Gradually growing to a crecendo unitl the phrase "lady parts were pulsating" was almost at a yell.

And this was just one occasion of the missteps in translation... their were many. Their were also those moments just after such things were said, where you'd catch the faint glimmer in the eye of a fellow juror that exposed them as feeling just the way you were, and becoming more and more unhealthy by stifling waves of laughter.

All jokes aside, I thought that being a juror was an incredible experience. It was fascinating to hear the same evidence spun by three different attorneys to fit the needs of their respective clients. And the verdict deliberation, which lasted at least two entire hours, was a murky haze of frustration, excitement, disagreement, and accord; but through it all we understood that the outcome of our decision would have serious affects on the lives of the parties, and so we did not take our task lightly. After exorcising this right I feel greater respect for our justice system as a whole and the amazing minds responsible for its creation.

Finally I would like to conclude this post with an obituary... Beloved Ritter Sport Cocos chocolate bar. You have passed away far too soon. Why the bigwigs at Ritter decided to pull the plug so early in the life of such a fantastic treat will never be fully comprehended. I will miss you terribly with my only consolation being each hour spent here on Earth is another hour I get closer to again indulging on your deliciousness. Until then, RIP.

Proud to be a...

Unless you've been living under a rock most of your life, you've probably noticed that locks are everywhere. They are found on doors, cabinets, storage devices, computers, windows, cell phones, diaries, bicycles, cars, and so much more. They are the protector and defender of all things that you (as in each of us has our own opinions of 'greatness') deem 'great' and worthy of not being stolen...or viewed for that matter.

Back in the olden days, locksmiths were engineers and masters of their trade. They knew the insides and outs of locks and keys and even knew how to pick them, which begs the question: what's the point of a lock if you know that someone out there (probably your neighbor since 'towns' weren't that big back then...) knows how to pick it? And the answer: security. Locks make people feel safe and secure even if someone knows how to pick them. They are the modern day silent superheros of all of our lives.

And by deductive reasoning that makes us, Lauchsmiths, superheros. I can honestly say that I am proud to be a Lauchsmith.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

So the games have begun! A welcome to you, Travis, my bro and fellow scallywag, and a many thanks for your enthusiastic effort and time spent setting this lovely page up! (I'm sure the mundane nights at Hooters were key players in the thought behind the design as well!) I would also like to add a quick welcome to all the other followers/readers out there. I hope you thoroughly enjoy the nonsense we will probably babble on about. (See toilet* note in previous blog - though I do have to admit that is quite disgusting.)

Nevertheless, I am also excited to see what form this page develops into. Amy is in Cbus (that's Columbus for you non-Ohioans) this weekend and had we not had a prior kayaking engagement I would probably carry on but we've got to run hit the river (or 'reever' as many billies* like to refer to it as.) Thanks for the hearty congrats on the engagement and pics from Jamaica will surely be soon to follow...mon. We are both extremely excited!

*If you've not noticed by now, or don't know me very well, I tend to abbreviate things, all things. My billies are the country folk out there that help keep me on my toes by emphasizing or removing letters from common English terms that us city folk speak clearly. I thank you for making my life that much more enjoyable and helping me perfect my billie-talk. (No offense to the William's, Bill's, or Will's out there that this no doubtably affects.)