Pale Villain from Princess Bride Sings Like an Angel?

I started my Youtube search attempting to find a tutorial on how to play "Hallelujah" by Rufus Wainwright on the keyboard. I stumbled instead upon the winner of World Idol, Swedish singer Kirt Nilsen. When I saw the thumbnail of Kirt as the Youtube billboard for a rendition of the song, based solely on the way he looked, I HAD to click. The man's image immediately reminded me of the villain from Princess Bride who is responsible for the development and upkeep of the secret torture chamber. You know, the pale, dingy, extremely deep-voiced leper (just in case you don't know and if you can't connect the dots he is immediately to the right). Naturally, I chuckled to myself imagining the leper singing "Hallelujah" as I clicked the link. Boy was I shocked when I did!

As one of the World Idol judges puts it, "Kurt, you are a hell of a marketing challenge, because you have the voice of an angel, but you look like a Hobbit."

Well Kirt, I was extremely impressed with your singing. For those of you who haven't heard of Kirt, check out the links below and judge for yourself. Beware... there's more than meets the eye!

Kirt sings "One" by U2

Kirt looks way more Albino-villain-like singing "With or Without You" by U2, but sings it no less angelically. To view a secret portal to an alternate universe, pause the song at 2:36, then look at Kirt. Find the doorway.

Thursday Afternoon Chat: Cabin Fever

I typically don't wish away the seasons, but this year, I can't wait for spring to arrive. I think about the warm weather, the bright sunny skies, the later hours of daylight we have to our advantage, the dime-a-dog nights at the baseball stadium where you literally pay one dime to get one hot dog (I think there is a limit of ten per person for all who are interested...), the people who are actually outside, the satisfaction a popsicle lends once you've been outside for a while, and much more. I had a rude awakening the other day when that desire for a summer popsicle surfaced. I decided to give in despite feeling cold on the outside. After my first bite, I was not only cold on the outside but I was frozen on the inside. I suppose that's what I get for having a popsicle in the winter, but that's what's making me yearn for the spring - the warmth it brings.

I'm tired of being cold..all the time. I don't think I'd mind it so much if I was warm for some duration longer than 5 minutes throughout the day, but to constantly be cold starts to get old after a while. I sit at my desk at work with a scarf on, sometimes I even have my coat on as I do now, and my schnoz and my hands are still noticeable cold. When I get in my car to go anywhere, it's cold. Sometimes it's so cold that I can barely touch the wheel. Sometimes I'm so cold that the heat feels like fire burning my hands, yet I'm still freezing. (Is that the first sign of frostbite??) When I am home I sit on the couch with a blanket or I am walking around with a robe and slippers on on top of all my other clothes, but the second I have to let the dog out, I feel the cold creeping.

Speaking of, that's another thing I'm tired of: the lack of people, and dogs, we (the dog and I) meet on our daily walk. Having a new puppy has had its ups and downs. But when Jack (the pup) and I have braved the cold to go outside and take a walk, stretch our legs, and socialize a bit since we've all been inside all day, and I don't see a single soul or dog on our walk, it's frustrating. In the spring, the streets are buzzing with people, dogs, bicyclers, kids, but not now. You are lucky if your dog sees a single footprint of another dog in the snow. I'm not sure if there is some indoor area where people walk their dogs that I don't know about or what, but I'd have to say there are a lot of pent up dogs in the winter, not to mention probably quite a few dog owners that could easily pull their hair out.

In the end, these are just a few of the reasons I look forward to spring so much. I still feel bad for thinking of the next season when really I should be enjoying the good things from this season. It's only a few months, right?! I mean, let's been honest, spring arrives and departs in the blink of an eye, and then it's summer...

...and I'll probably just be complaining about how hot is then...

In the meantime, you can find me wearing a full body sweater until spring.

Maybe I'll start a fad, but at the very least, I'll stop complaining.

PS: That's not really me...I'd be wearing socks.

Skydiving Video

Finally got my VIDEO up thanks to my file-converting Dad. Although the folks at "The Ranch" in NY will probably never receive THIS acclaim, I think they did a magnificent job with video execution. My favorite part comes just around the 3:00 minute mark. Fear personified.

For all those who haven't been, I highly recommend it. And if you go make sure you get a video (or at least a couple photos) so that your instructor isn't the only privileged one to see what your face does during the plunge.

SWINE FLU (and its implications for laughter)

Hey Everyone. Remember last year and the reports of the swine flu pandemic running rampant through our streets? Do you recall the fear and hysteria caused by the over coverage? I do. Masked men and women became commonplace. I wish I had the foresight to snap photos of all those veiled wanderers. Would have made a helluva collage. Anyway, at the time, I found the media response laughable (the masks are still funny). That was until about 10 days ago when Swiney found his way into my immune system - or lack thereof.

The swine flu, renamed formally to H1N1, and therefore hysterically nicknamed the "Hiny" flu, found itself getting the last laugh with me. Midway through last week I started getting an epic body ache. A fever followed close behind, and a headache that no allotment of Tylenol could cure. I was throwing down pain relievers and fever reducers by the handful, but the "Hiny Parade" didn't seem to be bothered. In fact I think with each successive pill swallowing I could hear 1000 "Hiny" cells laughing sinisterly at my futile effort. Those bastards. So long-story short, the "Hinies" tucked me in bed and pretty much took over for two days straight.

After allowing it to run its brutish course, and slowly returning to the healthy youthful man of the previous week, I promised that I wouldn't make any more fun of the Swine Flu. But I spoke too soon, my friends! The day after I began feeling better, some symptoms returned. I again had a fever, developed a painful chest ache/cough, and that sledge-hammer headache came back to smack me around again. I became worried after doing some quick internet research that Swine may have retaken the reins. I chose medical expertise.

The good news was that the Tiny Hiny Brigade was not back to stay. The bad - before they exited a few of the really lazy ones decided to take a nap in my right lung, and by some nefarious medical miracle transformed into pneumonia! Again, those bastards!

10 days after the ordeal began, I am thankfully feeling quite back to my normal self. Swine flu has taught me a few valuable lessons. First of all, be thankful for your health. After being bed-ridden for a few days and thinking how crappy it was, I realized some people struggle with illness and disease their entire lives and hence I ought not take my well-being for granted. Second, remember the wise man who explained karma. Heed his warning. Third - against that same wise man's wishes, take note of such phrases: "laughter heals the soul," and "Mirth is God's medicine. Everybody ought to bathe in it [Henry Ward Beecher]." Begin that collage with a fully-masked Travis in the middle. And let the Hinies know that behind the mask I am smiling. I am immune to you now, and with my immunity comes reinvigorated derision, and mockery. Kiss my ass, Hiny! Haha!

Technology - It's Well Important

In this digital age, I think most of us have become accustomed to rapidly changing technology. Yesterday's computers are geezers; last year's are dinosaurs. And how about cell phones. You couldn't always fit 'em into your pocket hot shot. ->
But in the midst of the ever-evolving electronic devices that have come to dominate our lives, we sometimes forget about age old inventions that have truly aided the human cause. Here is a list of a few very important inventions that have somehow gone sins acclaim. You deserve better, inventors, but this is all I can do.

1. Skip-It. Anyone born in the 80s fell in love with this fad. Don't lie to yourself, you skipped it.... and you loved it!

2. Cheeze-Whiz. Cheese in a can? And you can spray it like silly string at your friends? What's not to love?

3. The septic system. The fewer pieces of sh. I have to deal with the happier I am. Which leads me to the next invention (which I think is worth a picture)...


4. The on-the-go head-mounted tissue and TP combo. Their isn't much that is as embarrassing as having a stray booger clinging to the tip of your nose. And when you see people it's always a little awkward to inform them. But now it'll be easy and they won't even need to flick - drape upon them a divine tissue from above. And for it's alternate purpose, when you drop off the browns at the superbowl and you're without towels for your players... you lose every time. Keep that winning going, minus the streaks.

Regardless of how you feel about technology, I think we can all agree it's well-important!

Sunday Evening Chat - Memory

Memory is the product of all experiences in life. It grows with each passing moment; it is a collective and unabridged volume of every detail from recalling how to properly wipe your ass (and thus avoid skidmarks) to reminiscing over your first passionate kiss. It is the mysterious mechanism that is vital to every mental process that we undertake.

I say that memory is mysterious because each person's is as unique as their daily lives and thoughts. All of us have different thresholds for memory. Perhaps your first memory recall is from age 2, while I can only remember back to when I was 5. Maybe the scent of fresh-cut grass makes you think of the first time you went golfing with your Dad while it allows me to conjure the image of my neighbor's look of disgust after I got a little lazy with the lawnmower around the flower bed. Sorry bout that. But the point is, memories are as varied as the people of entrap them.

And THAT, I believe, is the reason shared memory is so important. When two people are able to recall the same circumstance based on the same stimulus, they forge a bond that they'll always share. And if they are able to communicate and realize they share this bond, that same stimulus will then serve as a reminder of not only the original memory, but the person that you share the memory with (if the two are indeed exclusive). I attribute much of the importance of family and old friends to the extent of shared memory between and amongst them.

And because I had so much fun reading my sister's early memories, I'm going to share just a few of mine:

I remember Merry-Go-Rounds! Particularly the one at the park near Aunt Jennifer's house. I remember feeling the exhilaration of knowing that if I let go I'd land in an injured heap in the dirt, but it was sometimes worth it just to experience temporary flight.

I remember getting a pea stuck in my nose at the dinner table. I don't remember why I was snorting peas, but wish I did. I do remember that after numerous failed attempts to snot-rocket it out, Mom had to bust out the tweezers and perform some in-the-home surgery.

I remember taking walks with Dad and Uncle Richard at Great Falls and how expansive and never-ending the trails seemed. I loved when we found newts and tried to catch them.

I remember when we took a trip to Wales and Grandpa Jonny was driving a rental. As the roads narrowed and the unforgiving stone walls got closer and closer he became more and more nervous. Inevitably Gramps scraped the rental along the wall setting in motion fiery debate between Gram and Gramps, and a giggle festival in the backseat. I think that rental was a black Mercedes...

I remember going sledding, even when we lived in the townhouse. I remember jumping on a humongous black inner tube with most of the kids in the neighborhood and sledding down the hill behind our house, and thinking to myself their would be no way to top this fun.

I remember the basket of decorative apples that Grandma Lauchman had in her foyer and taste-testing them to see if they were real. Though they weren't, I discovered that biting into them left teeth-marks, and I found that to be great! So I think I went ahead with my sister and tasted them all.

Like anyone, I could go on for days like this, but I think I ought to stop in fear that the next time someone thinks about the Lauchsmiths they'll remember it to be the blog campaigning against brevity. Goodnight.

Sunday Evening Chat - Teaching

Living and growing up in or around DC, the capital of what is still the most powerful and influential nation in the world, certainly has its perks. We're just a stone's throw away from some of the most beautiful monuments in the world, a series of museums hosting world class exhibits for the price of "free-99" (thank you Smithsonian), and the literal heart of our nation's government. But for all things ying, their must be yang. DC has exceptionally and consistently high crime and poverty rates. We've allowed a new brand of cynicism to creep into our politics. The juxtaposition between extreme affluence and bottom-of-the-barrel poverty is seen on display daily. And perhaps what's worst of all, the public school systems are failing.

Politicians in Washington have been doing plenty of talking in the last few years. When things are really tanking, everyone's got a solution. Amidst all of the bailout arguments, the health care reform debates, squabbling over our position in the Middle East, it seems that we may have lost focus on arguably our most valuable asset: the future leaders of this country.

Public school failure anywhere in this country is unacceptable; public schools failing in our nation's capitol, though, is abhorrent. How can we say that America has regained its position as a respected world leader when under the noses of the men and women who run our country our school system is crumbling? However, before continuing on the mindless rant it seems I'm headed toward, let me first pose a question: what does it mean for a public school to fail? How do we quantify failure in public schools? The most obvious answer, which is yet another talking point on the Hill, is standardized testing. If a predetermined percentage of students "fail" the standardized test, my understanding is that the "failing" school "fails" to receive the funding necessary for improving their deficiencies, and this begins a violent shit-storm of "failing" that eventually spirals out of control. This I don't blame on the students. I blame the state, and those incapable of realizing that this system can not and will not EVER work.

Why not? Glad you asked. First of all, standardizing (for all I know) means that their is a city-wide pass/fail rate for public schools. If you fall below the bar, you don't receive full funding. Well we know that like most cities, different demographics tend to be concentrated in different areas. For those of us with intimate knowledge of DC, we could hardly expect public schools in Anacostia or the neighborhood of Trinidad in S.E. to stack up with public schools, say, in Georgetown. This creates a multitude of problems - the schools that most likely need the most funding to aid a demographic of students that are behind the curve from the outset of their student lives don't get their funding. The schools situated in more "well-off" areas continue to widen the gap because year after year they score higher and receive the publicly allotted funds. Furthermore, understanding the stakes of these tests, public school teachers are driven by administrators to do all that they can to prepare their students to do well. They realize that funding and perhaps their jobs depend on their student's outcome. This seems absolutely counterproductive to learning and traditional classroom education. Placing so much emphasis on one test is unfair to both teachers and students.

In fear that your vision is rapidly blurring, I will try to conclude with all the brevity I can muster.

1. If the students must take standardized tests, so must the teachers. On a yearly basis. If you fail, you face pay decrease, remedial subject teaching, or termination. I don't mean to sound cold-hearted, but clearly faulty teachers play a role in public school failure. If we are going to hold our students to a standard, we must hold those teaching our students to a standard. Aren't they supposed to be professionals?

2. Let's try to rethink budgeting. I can appreciate all of the arguments for standardized testing. But to place at risk the fiscal security of those schools who consistently underperform seems unfair, and backwards. If it is a teacher failure, number one should take care of it. If it is a demographic failure (and therefore a parent failure), well then the schools will probably need extra funding to get some brilliant staff to meet the challenge of bringing less-fortunate students up to speed with their peers.

3. I haven't done enough research to diagnose the problem completely, but the above is what I understand to be the case. Let's stop disgracing our nation and start taking our youth seriously. Solving the blunders of global warming and our troubled economy today won't mean anything tomorrow if we find our nation laden with a generation of ignorance. Stay in school. And don't do* drugs.

* (too many)